To Nudge? Or Not to Nudge?

At what point do you stop "nudging" your children? Or, do you ever stop?

I have an almost 17-year old son...this son has had to be "nudged", or "pushed", pretty much his entire life. Any new situation - any new adventure - he has had to be nudged...whether its the first day of school, riding a roller coaster, or trying out for a baseball team. In most every case, after he's been nudged, he's had a fantastic time. He just needs that initial "push" - that reassurance that it will be okay - that little boost of self-confidence that he sorely lacks.

Earlier this week, he didn't get nudged, and consequently, made a monumental decision that will definitely have far-reaching repercussions.... He was at his dad's for the weekend when this occurred, and when I questioned his dad on why he didn't "nudge" our son into making the RIGHT decision, his dad said, "He's almost 17 years old - he's an adult. I'm not nudging him anymore. It's his life."

And hence, the question of the day...at what point do you stop nudging your children?

I believe in nudging - no matter how old you are. I nudge my spouse; he nudges me back; and it's all good. I don't mind being pushed sometimes - it has helped me grow as a person. And I most certainly believe that my children should be nudged - or pushed - if they still live under my roof. Heck, I nudge the adult kids who no longer live with us - but I cleverly disguise the nudging as suggestions....You know, as in, "Honey, have you ever thought about doing THIS?" And I think the nudging has helped them....

So, I'm just curious as to what other parents out there think...To nudge? Or not to nudge?

That is the question...

Peace.

My Visit to Hell

I went to Hell this week...

Luckily, it was a short visit...

It was awful, though, while I was there...not a place I would want to be in permanently...

I was at the DMV office to re-license one car and license the new car. Joy. There is no place I'd rather be than the DMV office. NOT. Ugh.

I gathered up all of my paperwork (who knew it takes practically a briefcase anymore to hold all of the necessary documents?! Geesh.) and headed into Hell.

I walked in and took a number - #66 - (thank God it wasn't #666 - that would have been a little too creepy!) and sat down to wait my turn. My plan was to get this necessary evil done and then head into the Red Cross office to get some work done, so I was wearing my Red Cross shirt and badge. A lady next to me decided to strike up a conversation about volunteering for the Red Cross, and so I happily engaged with her, while listening intently for my number to be called. I'm talented like that - it comes from having a butt-load of kids - the ability to talk and still listen intently on something totally unrelated....I could be totally engaged in talking with one kid while listening intently for the possibility of sounds of other kids killing each other in the next room. A necessary skill if you're a mom of lots and lots of children....

But I digress....So, they call #64....and then, they call #65, and I begin to fidget, knowing I'm next. Woot! Woot!

And then...they do the unthinkable. They call #67. Seriously. They SKIP #66. Are you kidding me???!!??!!

I immediately say, "What? What happened to #66? Did anyone hear them call #66?" I ask the people around me anxiously....

The general consensus among my fellow Hell-visitors is that "No, they didn't call #66. You'd better go say something."

Great. I approach the counter and stand back a little, waiting for my opportunity to politely (of course) point out to the dear ladies of the DMV office that they are a bunch of idiots if they don't know that #66 really IS a number and should have been called after #65. Duh.

One of the DMV ladies eyes me warily - as I am basically standing in No-Man's Land - and says, "What?! Do you NEED something?"

"I need you to call #66....you skipped it."

"No, we didn't."

"Yes, you did. No one heard you call it...."

"Well - go sit down and we'll call it. When we're ready."

I go sit down and one of my fellow Hell-visitors says, "They may have called it - under their BREATH!" I snicker and immediately get a look that could kill from the DMV lady. Oops. I'm already on thin ice here - I'd better shape up.

The DMV lady apparently felt, after a while, that I had put in sufficient time in "Time Out" - and so she FINALLY called #66. My fellow Hell-visitors actually broke into a round of applause when I was called.

I felt like I had won the Oscar or something....it was all I could do to not turn around and bow to my audience.

However, lesson learned: don't piss off the DMV ladies. They have the POWER.

Peace.

Wordless Wednesday: Vitamin D

Sunrise in Belize....

Getting My Boo-Boo Kissed

When we're children...and we're hurting...we go to our parents to kiss the "boo-boo" and make it all better....

But...where do we go when we're parents...and we're hurting?

Sometimes...it's our children who have an amazing ability to kiss the "boo-boo" and make it all better...

This note...this wonderful, beautiful note is what I found on my pillow this morning when I woke up...left there by my 10-year old "angel" who is trying, in her own way, to make things better....
All is better today in my world....the sun is shining, and I "rock."

Peace.

A Gold Medal for Parenting?

The 2010 Winter Olympics are over...and as much as I enjoyed the athletic events, I think I especially enjoyed learning about the athletes. It was during one of these "Focus on the Athletes" when I was struck by something that was said by none other than short-track speed skater phenom, Apolo Anton Ohno. While describing his intense preparation for his sport, he explained that every night before he goes to bed he asks himself if he did everything he possibly could that day in his quest to be the best.

Which made me think....do I do everything I could each day to be the best Mom I can to my kids?

As much as I honestly would love to say "Yes" - I would honestly, gut-wrenchingly, have to say "No." No gold medal for me in the parenting department.

There are SOME days I think I nail it.

And there are other days when I think I suck.

Today is one of those days...suck, that is.

There are days when I haven't focused on some of the kids as much as I would have liked to...and those are the days when the kids have a unique ability of sucker-punching me in the gut with surprises and decisions and bad moves. It seems that when I'm focusing on THIS particular kid, and watching them "zig", then one of the other kids decides to "zag" - throwing me for a loop.

Apolo Ohno got me thinking...and I have a new determination now to wake up each morning and say, "What can I do today to be the best mom to my kids?"

Do I know the answers? Not always...but I know at least that I need to refocus and stay sharp. There's some changes coming to this household, for sure....

Here's what I DO know:

Mama's now in training to be the best....

...Mama's gettin' her groove back...

...and Mama ain't happy.

Fasten your seatbelts, children - we're in for a bumpy ride.

Peace.