Kickers & Squawkers

Every now and then, I like to think that I am a unique and talented person...not that I then go and develop a big head or anything, but in reviewing things that I can offer and contribute to society, I'd like to think that I am...well...special.

And on Saturday, flying back to KC from Ft. Myers, I was reminded, once again, of just one of my many unique talents.

Ready for it?

I have an AMAZING ability to choose a seat on an airplane that will ALWAYS turn out to be the absolute worst seat on the flight.

Yup.

How cool is that?!

I frequently fly Southwest, as they meet my needs (needs being cheap and free baggage) - and if you've flown Southwest, you know that you are not assigned a seat, but get to choose one upon boarding the plane.

I can be the first person on the plane - or the last person - doesn't matter - and I will inevitably choose the seat that will be in front of the Child From Hell.

And I use that title in a loving way, of course.

The child behind me will always have legs just long enough that they reach the back of my seat...and the child's legs will always be very restless, causing the child to kick and bounce...for the entire length of the flight.

Turbulence is bad enough...but to have the added bonus of a constant, "Thump, thump, thump, WHACK" in the small of your back for an entire afternoon is just...lovely.

And for some bizarre reason, I've noticed that "Damien" always has parents that are totally oblivious to his behavior. They never seem to notice that their precious little angel is doing an annoying kickboxing number on the seat in front of them.

And if it's not a kicker that I have behind me, it's what I label the Parrot Child - or the squawker. The child that lets out an ear-piercing squawk or scream every 2.3 minutes...giving me a mini-heart attack and adding to my ever-increasing grey hair count.

Joy.

This is one of those talents that I wish I didn't have...sigh...but one must learn to live with the gifts that God has given us...and so I Keep Calm and Carry On.

With a little help from some handy little Valium pills.

Peace.