It's all Danielle's fault.
Yes. It's all Danielle's fault if Hubby decides to drag my butt into Divorce Court.
Who is Danielle, you ask?
She's the manager at our local DSW (Designer Shoe Warehouse) store...and it's all her fault, the little homewrecker. Mark my words - you heard it here, first.
Oh, it began innocently enough, I'm sure.
It began with Hubby wandering into DSW the other night, on his way home for work, looking for some new loafers.
As he was checking out, Danielle, the store manager, asked, "Do you have a rewards card with us?"
Hubby wouldn't know a DSW Rewards Card if it bit him in the butt, but he willingly offered up our telephone number to Danielle, little realizing she was laying her trap. Because, that's when the trouble started.
Hubby came home and began what can only be called "The Inquisition" with yours truly.
He: "I had an interesting conversation today with the girl up at DSW."
He: "Yes...she wanted our phone number to pull up our Rewards Card, and when I gave it to her, she said, 'Congratulations.'"
Me: Knowing where this is probably headed, but refusing to say anything on the grounds that it may incriminate me...I decided that silence was my best option at this point.
He: "Yes, she said, "Congratulations! You're one of our Top 25 Best Customers!" He then looks at me at this point for an explanation.
Me: Cringing a little...but still staying very silent. Hubby could have tortured me with a waterboard at this point, and I wasn't going to say a word.
He: "Now...why do you suppose she said that??? And considering that we live in a community of several hundred thousand people, why should she consider US in the top 25???!!"
Me: Blinking a bit, but thinking really fast..."Um....I'm sure she says that to EVERY customer. You're putting too much into it....geesh, Honey. It's a sales technique, and I'm surprised you fell for it. It's DESIGNED to make you feel special. Duh."
Did I tell him that I get handwritten letters from Danielle on a monthly basis, thanking me for the shoe business I bring her? No. I did not tell him that. And I'm pretty sure Danielle doesn't send handwritten thank-you notes to the hundreds of thousands of customers that visit her store. Probably just the Top 25. Which includes...me. Yikes.
Hubby somewhat skeptically bought my little story, but I marched into DSW the next day....Grabbing Danielle by the shoulders, I gave her a shake, and said, "WHAT were you THINKING???!!!"
She looks at me, innocently...."What are you talking about?" she asked.
"Don't ever...ever...EVER...tell the Hubby that I'm in your Top 25!!! Are you trying to break up my marriage??!!" I asked, somewhat hysterically.
She blinks, and then realizes what disaster she had almost brought down on my head.
With profuse apologies, she promised it would never happen again...and after showing me the new shipment of boots that had just come in, Danielle and I were, once again, BFF's forever in The Wonderful World of Shoes.
Divorce Court averted.