Let me begin by saying that I hope my Mother is not reading this post.
Because I acted SOOOOO maturely while in the doctor's office the other day…
Okay. Not really.
In full disclosure, it wasn't my fault. Well, duh. It never is, actually. For every single and solitary time that I have, um, misbehaved, I have always, ALWAYS been able to point the blame elsewhere. I know. It's a gift. I can unequivocally, without hesitation, always point out that someone ELSE started it, whether that "someone else" be my little brother, or my baby sister, or in this case…the doctor. It's never me.
I was visiting the orthopedic doctor the other morning so that he could have a look at my bum knee, which is the LAST thing a runner wants to have - a bum knee. Like, ever. In my particular case, my knee has decided in the last three weeks to go all bum on me, and that it doesn't particularly WANT to run a 5k, a 10k, and a half-marathon, back-to-back, in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS. My knee had the past seven months to decide it didn't want to do this, but did it make a peep over those months of training??? Did it ever, EVER give me a hint that it wasn't particularly happy???
Oh heck no. Let's wait UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE to throw a wrench (literally, it seems) into things.
I'm at the doctor's office.
Yup - those are my legs!!!! Awesomesauce!!!
And he looks at my X-rays, (which, are like, WAY COOL, in my opinion…I can totally GET IT why some people go into Radiology, because looking at bones ((on an X-ray film, mind you - not in real life - eww)) - is like, totally freaking AWESOME!!! But I digress…) and he says,
"Well…I don't see a tear."
And I'm like, "Woot Woot!!"
And he's like, "But that doesn't rule out a stress fracture…cuz sometimes those don't show up on an X-ray."
So I'm like, "Well, but I can still run, right? Even if it hurts? Even with a stress fracture??"
And he's like, "Are you CRAZY??!! I would never, EVER tell a runner to run through pain!!! Especially if it's a stress fracture!!!"
Oh. Well, that sucked. But thinking quickly, I came up with a BRILLIANT argument:
"But what if it's NOT a stress fracture??!!"
I amaze myself sometimes. I should have been a lawyer in a court room.
Not to be outdone, the doctor immediately responds with, "But what if it IS a stress fracture??!!"
So this is when I got totally mature, because, really, this conversation is suddenly taking me back to the days in the back seat of the car, on long car trips, where Little Brother and I would get into the most insane and ridiculous arguments over something so important as to who touched the other first, that could last for hours and hours, with just the two of us going back and forth, back and forth, that would drive my parents so crazy I'm surprised they didn't dump us and abandon us at a gas station…so..I countered with the following:
"But what if it's NOT??!!"
Cuz that's really all I had at this point.
And the good doctor must have had a sibling, as well, that HE'D argued with as a child, as he picked up the thread BEAUTIFULLY, and countered back with,
"But what if it IS???!!!"
"But what if it's NOT??!!"
You get the drift.
It was a thing of beauty, our conversation. Mom would have been so proud.
And both Mom and Hubby could have told the doctor that he was never, ever going to win this argument.
I'm running AMA.
Against Medical Advice.
Do you think I should put those letters on my running bib next weekend??? A big giant, "AMA"???
Or maybe tattoo 'em on my Bum Knee.
But just in case Mom IS reading this…eek…don't worry, Mom…I promised the doctor - and I'll promise you - that if my knee gives out during the race…I will quietly take myself off the race course and quietly remove myself to the Medical tent, where I will quietly keep my mouth shut and not argue with any more doctors.