Wednesday, March 18, 2009
A Pity Party for Me
Frustration. Struggling. Impatience. Stress.
I try not to complain...but these are my feelings lately, and it's been very difficult. I am normally a very positive person - I like to see the glass half-full, rather than half-empty. I try to remember that I am very blessed - I have a nice home - I don't have financial issues - I have a wonderful husband and an awesome family - but.....
Lately it has been hard. I think a lot of it is my health - and the "issues" I've had for over the past year with my stomach...the constant pain, the difficulty sleeping because of the pain, and the frustration for not having answers for so long. And now that I have the answers - I am frustrated for not having a quick cure - I wanted it "fixed" - and that's not happening. No, it's a chronic condition - and per the doctor, I must now learn to live with it - learn to manage it - learn to accept it. And that's not easy.
I don't want to accept it. I want to fight it and "beat" it. But that won't happen. Sigh. It's almost as if I have to accept defeat, and that's not easy for me. And everyone tells me to not look at it in that way - but it's hard. I think with time, I'll learn acceptance, and I'll learn how to manage things better. It's just difficult to do things a certain way for 46 years and now have to re-learn things - how to eat healthier and how to manage pain and how to do biofeedback to manage the stress which just makes the condition that much worse.
Sorry for venting - but if a blog is a diary, and a diary is used to record feelings and such, I felt it was only fair to record my honest feelings - no how whiny or pathetic or self-pitying they may be.
I'll snap out of this...I know I will...it's just a matter of time. I think that's why I like to go on mission trips - they "snap" you back to reality and make you realize just how blessed you really are. I'll be heading to Camp Wilderness this weekend for our annual family mission trip - so it couldn't come at a better time.
Let the whining cease. Enough.