The Eyes Have It

There are times in life when being "strong and independent" can pretty much be a bitch.

Or at least very, very stupid.

Case in point: Me.

I don't know where this fierce strong will and sense of independence comes from, but it has gotten me in a few scrapes with the medical community....One such time was exactly ten years ago, when I walked around for two days with a severe case of appendicitis. (In my defense, I thought it was just a really, really, really bad case of gas). Because I was too stubborn to go see a doctor ("I can take care of it MYSELF!"), I just about died.

And then there was last week...when I was finally forced to go to the eye doctor by some friends, after I had walked around for weeks with increasingly blurry vision and painful eyes. My first visit was last Wednesday, when the eye doctor did a very thorough exam, and then said, "Excuse me a moment," as he walked out and brought back two more colleagues. Uh oh. That's NEVER a good sign - when they bring in the troops.

Initially, the diagnosis they gave me was severe corneal ulcers, but they later amended that diagnosis to a "flesh-eating" virus that was eating away at the tissue in the cornea of my right eye...which could lead to blindness.

{faints from shock}

I'll be honest. I love my eyes. I'm rather vain about them. That picture at the top of my blog - of the eye? That looks exactly like my own eyes..."Rainbow eyes" is what a lot of people say when they see my eyes, and I don't really want to see them damaged. Ack.

The cornea specialist was out of town until Monday, so I was monitored daily until her return...at which point, she greatly reduced my fears by revising the initial diagnosis...that had only been a "pseudo" virus, and when I heard her say "pseudo", I immediately asked, "Pseudo is good, right?" She replied, "Yes...pseudo is good. But you're not out of the woods."

To make a long story short, I DID have some dead tissue on my cornea, but not from a virus (but we're not sure from where, actually.) After she scraped off the dead tissue, we're now in the process of trying to re-generate "good" cell growth, as well as to prevent scar tissue from building up on the cornea. I'm on a medicine regime that is crazy - but my vision should come out okay when this is all over.

The specialist slapped me around a bit (deservedly) when she said, "If you'd come in MONTHS ago - when this first started - you would have saved yourself a heck of a lot of time, money and treatment."

"But I thought it was allergies," I said, in my defense..."...and who goes to the eye doctor for allergies??!!"

Apparently, I will need to...because of the damage to the cornea, I will ALWAYS have to go in now when I notice anything slightly out of order with either eye...period. I guess I learned my lesson the hard way...as in, don't be so doggone stubborn and independent that you avoid medical care.






Speaking of medical care - I do want to insert here that I am now exactly three weeks in on my gluten-free diet...and here's the findings, so far:

1. I have had NO STOMACH PAIN AT ALL IN THREE WEEKS!!!! This is huge, folks...HUGE. Before my GF diet, I was to the point that EVERY SINGLE MEAL would have me curled up in a little ball on the bathroom floor, clutching my gut in a pure state of agony and intense pain. Gah. It has been unbelievable to be pain-free, and it's been such a turnaround that I don't even have ANY desire to eat the things that are off-limits now - such as cakes, cookies or breads. I've been finding recipes for GF brownies & such, so I'll still get my taste, if I need it.

2. My energy levels are WAY UP. Seriously...I can wake up now at 6:00 am, and go, go, go until 11:00 pm at night...and no more feeling like a slug. I truly love this new, energetic person, as I hate being a slug - and I can't believe all of the stuff I'm getting done each day!

3. I've lost some weight...not a lot...but every pound lost is a good thing. The weight wasn't the main reason to go on the GF diet, but it's been a nice bonus. I've decided to not focus on the scale - but to focus on eating healthy. I've been back in exercise mode, especially with all of my newfound energy, so I'm sure more pounds will drop off - woot!

4. I'm so enamored of my new GF diet that I'll be starting Hubby & Daughter on it next week...I think Daughter has a gluten-sensitivity, as she sure shows a lot of the symptoms. I'm curious to see if this will help her, as well....It can't hurt, because it's really a vegan-based diet that incorporates a lot of fruits and vegetables, which are nutritious.


So - enough rambling.

I'm now off to to have some delicious gluten-free crackers with some hummus for an afternoon snack - YUM!

Peace.

The Anti-Bucket List: 10 Things I Will NEVER Do

Another 10 on Tuesday post, and today's topic was inspired by a growing trend that I've seen on the internet: the "anti-bucket" list.



Yes...instead of the list of stuff that we aspire to, how about a list of things that will NEVER, EVER happen in my lifetime. To me. I'm not saying that YOU may enjoy some - or all - of these things, because Lord knows, we're all different....So, in no particular order, here are ten things you will not see me doing:


1. I will never, ever skydive. This is an interesting item, because even if I actually, remotely even WANTED to do this (I don't), I would probably have a heart attack the second I was pushed out of the plane. You will never, ever see "plummeting to earth" on my bucket list.


2. I will never, ever go shopping at the mall on Black Friday. Crowds? Ugh. The idea of it simply horrifies me, and I MUCH prefer sitting in my pajamas, with hot cocoa in hand, surfing the internet from the comfort of my own home.


3. I will never, ever go to a Taylor Swift concert. Because...just because. Gah.


4. I will never, ever eat liver. I CAN'T EVEN GET PAST THE SIGHT OF LIVER.


5. I will never, ever pay money to see a Jennifer Aniston movie. You probably guessed by that very statement that I'm not a big fan of Jennifer Aniston...and you guessed right.


6. I will never, ever become a quilter. My mother is a quilter...and I respect that. But I have no desire to EVER learn how to piece material together. I really don't like needles.


7. I will never, ever sing a solo - or sing in a karaoke bar, for that matter. And you're welcome.


8. I will never, ever run a marathon. Don't get me wrong - I LIKE to run. Short distances...as in 5k...or a 10k, at the very most. But 26 miles? Hell to the no.


9. I will never, ever fly to Africa. Oh, I would LOVE to see Africa. Really. But being that I hate flying, the thought of being cooped up in a little aluminum tube for like, days (or so it seems), as it flies over the ocean, and then flies over jungles where there are wild animals like lions and such - gah. Nope.


10. I will never, ever pierce anything but my ears. Simple, really - I hate pain. I hate blood. I hate holes in my skin. See above where I said I hate needles. 'Nuff said.


So...what about YOU? What are some things on YOUR anti-bucket list?

She Said WHAT??!!

I must warn you...if you are easily offended...or don't appreciate some juvenile, immature humor from time to time...then, stop reading.

Seriously.

Stop right now.

Because the story I have to relate is somewhat...juvenile. And definitely immature.

But so, so freakin' funny.

You've been warned.

.

.

.

.

Okay. For those of us left...I am COMPELLED to relate something my mother said yesterday. But to totally understand the humor in this, you must first know that my mother is...um...prim. And oh, so proper. As in, she could probably teach the Queen some things about manners and etiquette and what is considered appropriate for conversation...and what is not. You get the picture, right?

So...my parents recently moved into a new house. And of course, because of this, they are now in the oh-so-fun process of unpacking and arranging furniture and hanging pictures and decorating and all of that fun stuff. My sister asked my mom how it was going, and the following conversation took place:

Mom, sighing: "Oh...it's going slow. We just keep running into problems."

Sister: "Really? Like what?"

Mom: "Well...we tried to install a 32-inch television on the wall in the bedroom...but the bracket was wrong. Your dad ended up taking the television back, and got a 29-inch screen, instead. He FINALLY got the TV installed...but...(insert sigh)...I guess I'll just have to be happy with only 29 inches in the bedroom."


Oh. My. God.


My sister died. Seriously - she collapsed on the floor in laughter, tears rolling down her face, as she realized what my mother has inadvertently just said. Or implied. Because, yes. My sister - and I - are both immature like that, where our minds go immediately to the gutter. My mother wouldn't know a gutter if it rolled up and slapped her.


Mom, a little perplexed by my sister's laughing fit, asks: "WHAT is so funny???!"

My sister, gasping for air at this point, says, "What you just said."

Mom, clearly confused, replies, "What, that I can be happy with 29 inches? Well, I'm used to 32 inches, but I can get by."



Really????!!!

Really????!!!


My sister wasted NO time in calling me to relate this, and of course, always looking for an excuse to give my mother a hard time, I called Mom immediately.

"So, Mom...I understand you'll be happy with 29 inches in the bedroom, but you prefer 32 inches. I have to say, I'm impressed. With both you AND Dad."

Needless to say, Mom's not talking to me OR my sister right now.



Peace.

Professions I'd Like to Try

It's another Top 10 on Tuesday!!!

Maybe you're already doing your dream job. Or maybe you HATE what you're doing, and would change it, if you could. With that in mind, today's question is...what would be the Top 10 professions you'd like to try?




1. I've said it before...I'll say it again. All I EVER wanted to do as a kid was play baseball. If talent were no object, and dreams could come true - I'd be playing professional baseball right now for the Kansas City Royals. I wouldn't even need a huge salary - I'd do it for the love of the game. I'd be playing first base while on defense, and I'd be batting about 6th in the lineup...sigh. Why, oh why, couldn't I have been born a boy??!! And with talent??!!




2. I'd love to be an author. Of a New York Times bestseller. Maybe that dream is possible - if I'd just find the time to sit still for awhile and write a book...but who has time to sit and write, when there's so much living yet to be done??!!





3. I briefly went to graduate school, where I worked on getting my master's degree in counseling. So...I'd love to be a counselor...I kinda' do it anyway, whether I'm counseling my kids, or my family, or my friends....





4. Loving animals like I do, wouldn't it be rewarding to be a veterinarian? Although...that would be tough, to see sick or injured animals and knowing that I most likely wouldn't be able to save every single one of them....





5. Taking my love of food, and my love of writing, and my love of criticizing - I think being a food critic would be the IDEAL job for me. To be PAID to go out and eat and write about it??!!





6. By the same token, a travel agent would be right up my alley - what with my love of traveling and my skills at organizing and planning....





7. I *wish* I could be a fitness trainer...only because I'd be more disciplined at hitting the gym - AND, I'd be making money for exercising! Win-win!





8. Culinary school was something that intrigued me, so the thought of being a professional chef sounds like a lot of fun! (Although - from what I've seen - it carries a lot of stress...hmmm...may have to rethink this one!) I'd work in some high falutin' restaurant in New York City, and I'd use fresh, organic ingredients that turn into works of art when presented on the plate.



9. A tour guide. Don't laugh. I don't even care where I'm giving tours - but I love, love, love to show people around and explain what they're seeing. I kinda' do this anyway when I travel, so I could TOTALLY see myself waving a little flag and leading a group of barbarians..."CHARGE!!!!"





10. I love kids...and since I can't list "teaching" on my list - because technically, I've already *tried* it - I'm going to list being a school bus driver. Yep. The thought of being able to be able to set the tone for the day with the kids, as they get on my bus - and then to help them decompress after school - that sounds rewarding! I'd be the type of bus driver that is totally, way cool - that tells corny jokes every day, that has sing-alongs, and lets the kids sit anywhere they want to.



So...what professions would YOU like to try??!!

Peace.

Review: "How 2 B A New Yorker"

...the one in which we learn how to be disdainful and rude...


Off-Broadway.

I used to think that meant anything that wasn't on the street/road/avenue/concrete slab they call "Broadway" in Manhattan. Makes sense, right?

Wrong.

I have learned that when a show is considered "off-Broadway", it means that the seating capacity is between 100 and 499 people. In doesn't mean where the show is located physically - but is totally based on the number of people they can seat.

For our Friday night entertainment in NYC, we attended a show that was off-Broadway...as I'd heard that these shows can sometimes be more fun than the big Broadway productions. The show was called, "How 2 B A New Yorker."



Their website promises, "You too can experience the privilege, respect and air of superiority enjoyed by millions who call themselves New Yorkers. But it requires training, even if you were born here. Let us show you how to develop the instincts for disdainful glances, peevish muttering and innate rudeness that distinguish true New Yorkers. Under the direction of OBIE Award winner Robert Ross Parker,the hilarious new comedy HOW 2 B A NEW YORKER shows audiences everything they ever needed to know about what it takes to be a real New Yorker, or at least not stand out as a tourist."

Well. After spending all this time in Manhattan, what better show to see? Because by this time, we considered ourselves NYC transplants, and this sounded like a lot of fun.

Tickets were approximately $55.00 per person, but this not included the show, but DINNER, as well - woot woot! How often can you get a show and dinner in New York City for practically $50 bucks??!! And an Italian dinner, no less!

So, we arrived at Sofie's Restaurant, a small little joint in the heart of Times Square, where we were led to the basement. There, we enjoyed a delicious buffet dinner of Italian offerings, in a tiny, intimate setting.

However.

Let me say that first, as someone who does NOT have a gallbladder...eating tomato sauce is not the smartest thing I can be doing. Or things with oil...as in salads, with olive oils or oil-based salad dressing.

Second...the restaurant was very, very dark...to the point that I really couldn't even see what I was putting on my plate, let alone eating. Although the food was good, I wondered...albeit briefly...if I would pay for this later.

And let's just say that, oh yes. I paid. But that's a story to be told in an upcoming installment. Gah.

Anywho, the show soon started...the show consists of an actor and an actress - going through a gazillion costume changes, prop changes, and backdrop changes - as they frenetically and humorously poke at what makes New Yorkers...so...unique. Think Saturday Night Live with a bit of Second City improv thrown in, and you get the gist of this show.

All of the typical stereotypes of New York are poked and explored, including subway adventures:




...the bad feelings between Brooklyn and Manhattan:




...and the ever-present construction workers that blanket the streets of New York:




There were dozens of times during the show that something the actors would say would hit close to home, and Hubby and I'd find ourselves looking at each other and nodding, saying, "Yup. That's SO true! That SO happened to us!!!" And laughing about it, because, really, there is NO other place in the world like New York City, and you can let it frustrate you - or you can laugh about it.

The show is fast-paced...it's witty...and it's hysterically funny, especially for anyone who's spent any amount of time dealing with the idiosyncrasies of New York. It was a fun way to spend the evening, and at the end of the show, we all got a special little button that said it all:



This show was originally scheduled for a short-run only, but because of popular demand, keeps getting extended and extended. I don't know how much longer it will run, but if you get a chance, you must go see for yourself "How 2 B A New Yorker!"