Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Matchmaker Matchmaker

I've made a somewhat startling revelation about my mother the last few days...it's somewhat scary and fascinating and terrifying, all at the same time.

My mother appears to be a Jewish Matchmaker...much to the horror and chagrin of my 19-year old son. My son is quite happy in his non-dating world, as he feels that he's just not ready for it, and besides...he'd rather save his money for a fancy new car than spend it on girls. Go figure.

Mom has been in and out of the hospital the last few weeks, living in limbo-land of suffering from stomach pain and not getting any clear answers or treatment from the medicinal powers-that-be....

She's extremely frustrated, not knowing what is going on...She goes in the hospital, she comes out, and we've learned that a phone call is now necessary before visiting her, because we don't know where she'll be...in the hospital? At home? In transit?

Who knows? It changes by the minute.

However, last week, she was back in the hospital, so we loaded up the family, including the 19-year old, and went for a visit.

We found Mom in her usual room, hooked up to some secret, mysterious fluids on the IV pole...and I'm not sure exactly what was IN those fluids, but it must have been some WAY GOOD stuff. As in trippy, dippy stuff. Because Mom was basically as high as a kite.

Out of the blue, she reaches for son's hand, sits him on the bed beside her, and immediately begins the 3rd-degree about son's dating life that would have made the cops on "Dragnet" proud.

Image from HERE

"So...who are you dating?" she asks.

"Grandma! I'm not dating anyone right now," son replies.

"Why not? Why aren't you dating? You should be dating! Everyone dates!"

She then reaches and pushes the nurse's Call button....and when the nurse walks in, Mom asks, "Where's that young, cute nursing assistant? The one that was in here about 15 minutes ago? I need to have a word with her!"

Um. What?

Mom explains to my son, "I think that cute little nurse would be just PERFECT for you!"

"Grandma!!! Really??!!!!"

The nurse returns in a few minutes, explaining that she can't find the assistant, but is there something SHE can help Mom with?

Mom replies, "It depends. Are you married? And how old are you?"

"GRANDMA!" Son is mortified about this time...and who can blame him? His 70-year old grandmother has turned into Yente in front of his eyes.

Needless to say, we beat a hasty retreat out of that room at the insistence of my son, who on a normal day loves his Grandma to death, but on this night, was one minute away from strangling her.

Mom came home on Saturday from the hospital, and I called her to see how she was feeling.

"Oh, I'm fine...a bit frustrated."

"I'm sorry," I began. "I know how frustrating it is when they can't find out what's wrong with you."

"Oh, that's not it," she said. "I'm frustrated because every single nurse I had those few days was either married or engaged."





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