Going Psycho at Chipotle

So, I was out running errands yesterday - it's one of those days when I need to pick up a prescription, buy some birthday cards and gifts, yada, yada, yada - and it's time for lunch.

My choices come down to McDonald's, Taco Bell, or Chipotle.

No brainer. I choose Chipotle - fresh, farm ingredients and made to order burritos- it's just about my favorite place in the world. My tummy perked up when I thought of Chipotle, and it was cheering, "Yes! Yes! Yes! Chipotle, please!"



So, I hop into Chipotle around noon, thinking that it will soon be pretty busy but I should be a smidgeon ahead of the rush.

When I walked inside, I was immediately struck at how long the line was. Wow. That's unusual, I think. But the line usually moves pretty quickly, so I head to the back of the line and do what any red-blooded American does when forced to wait...I dig out my cell phone and immediately bury my head into the world of texting, emails and Facebook statuses. Whatever did we do when we didn't have such hands-on entertainment at our fingertips?!?!

I lose track of time, but at some point, it hits me....

"Hey.....wait a minute....why haven't I moved?!"

Sure enough, I look up and realize the line hasn't moved one little bit. On a normal day, we're doing the "Chipotle Shuffle" - constantly shuffling our feet as we move ever closer to the front of the line. But there's no shuffling going on today. The line is stopped. Dead in our tracks. What's the deal??!!

Deciding to investigate this curious anomaly, (and besides, what else do I have to do? I've got nothing but time), I swing my eyes to the front counter to see if I can determine what the hold-up is...

There are two ladies standing there...and the manager is behind the counter, stacking up a huge pile of burritos. And I mean, HUGE pile of burritos.

Well, this is interesting...How many burritos did those two ladies order? Are they THAT hungry?

The manager then takes picks up a burrito, takes a magic marker and scribbles on the foil what kind of burrito it is, rings it up at the register, tells the blonde lady how much it is, brunette lady hands over the money, change is given back, and the manager places the burrito in a sack. It's important to understand this little scenario, because - I kid you not - it is then repeated 32 times.

THIRTY-TWO freakin' times!!!!

These two imbeciles had ordered 32 burritos for their lazy-ass coworkers back at the office, and proceeded to pay for them - individually - at the counter. ONE AT A TIME.

I know this, because I watched four burritos go into each bag - and there were 8 bags at the end of the entire drama. And math was never my forte - but four x 8 = 32. (Right??!)

By then, ALL eyes in the restaurant were watching this unbelievable tableau...and ALL eyes were shooting daggers at these ladies who had chosen the oh-so-busy time of NOON to come in and place 32 individual burrito orders.

ACK!!! ARGH!!! Curses!!!!

By the time this was all done, the line behind me stretched OUT THE DOOR of the restaurant and down the block...and it was now 25 minutes of standing on my part...and there was NO FREAKIN' WAY I was going to leave without a burrito of my own, because I had now invested 25 minutes of my OWN time standing there!!!!

There was not a sound in that restaurant as those two ladies gathered up their 8 bags of burritos and quietly slinked out the front door.

I'm going back to Chipotle today for lunch to meet a girlfriend. And I swear to God, if those ladies are there - there will be a scene the likes of which you've never seen.

I really don't want to be on the 10:00 news tonight as the lead story: "Psycho Lady Goes Nuts Inside Chipotle - Screaming 32! 32! No More 32!"

Pray for me.

Peace.