The Argument

...the one in which I am almost too embarrassed to write about....

Ugh.

I REALLY don't want to talk about what happened next to us on that beautiful Sunday afternoon, on the streets of New York City. I wish I could go on having all of my readers believe that my life is perfect, and my marriage is perfect, and that Hubby and I don't ever, ever have any disagreements.

As if.

To understand a bit about what happened that Sunday afternoon, I have to give you some very brief background information....

To make a long story very short, way, way back in 2004, Hubby and I were visiting Guatemala, where he "thinks" that I abandoned him in a Guatemalan crypt.

Yeah, I know. I said "crypt."



You would THINK that I make this crap up, but unfortunately, this really happened. It's because of stuff like this that many years ago, my friends said, "You really MUST write a book." Because, really - who else loses their husband in a Guatemalan crypt???!!

Anyway - I really didn't abandon him in the crypt - I swear he was right behind me - but we got separated from each other, and he got mad at me, for thinking I'd left him behind, and I got mad at him, because I thought he was gone forever and I'd be a widow and have to raise our kids all by myself, and how DARE he lose himself in a crypt, anyway...and anyway, after we were reunited, you'd have thought we would be happy to be back together, but no, we ended up having probably the BIGGEST and WORST fight we've ever had in our marriage. And he has NEVER, EVER let me live that down.

Really, I think if I die first, he'll put on my tombstone, "She abandoned me in a Guatemalan crypt." And I'll have it in my will that my children are to add to the tombstone, "No, I didn't." (As I'll always have the last word.)

Okay. I get it. You're wondering why I'm talking about a Guatemalan crypt from 2004, but what we take away from this is that, to this day, Hubby still has abandonment issues.

So...flash forward now to Sunday, June 23rd. And we are leaving the Metropolitan Museum of Art - and trying to catch the subway to our next destination, Tiffany & Co, where Hubby had previously promised that he would let me pick out my overdue birthday present.

As we head down to the subway platform, we're somewhat surprised at the huge crowd of people all waiting for the next train. Whoa - like, where did all these people come from?? You'd have thought it was a Monday morning rush hour crowd - it was JAMMED.


Yeah. It was like this.


So, soon a train comes barreling in - and the train is just as jammed with people as the platform. Uh oh. This isn't looking so good. Hopefully, a huge bunch of people ON the train will get OFF the train, leaving room for US to get on. Right? We can hope.

Nope. No such luck. The doors open, and instead of masses of humanity spilling forth out of the subway cars, only one or two souls inch their way out of the sardine cans.

Crap.

Meanwhile, the throngs of people that have been waiting impatiently on the platform all begin pushing and shoving and squeezing forward, hoping to elbow their way onto the train - including Hubby.

As much as Hubby has abandonment issues - I have claustrophobia issues. This isn't snark - or a joke...I seriously DO have these, and once I saw the crowds and crowds of people in that tiny little subway car - I had instinctively taken a step back.

Big mistake.

Hordes of people around us took advantage of me stepping back, and now filled in the gap between Hubby and I. They all shoved in behind him, leaving no room whatsoever on that train for Daughter and I. Knowing time was of the essence, I grabbed Daughter's hand and ran down to the next car, hoping there'd be more space - but it was just as crowded as the previous car.


Seriously...would you squeeze your way into THAT mess? I don't think so.


And the doors to the train shut and the train took off.

Leaving Daughter and I - alone, without Hubby - on the subway platform.

While Hubby went off on the train. Without us.

Double crap.


This was TOTALLY the look on my face.

I wasn't sure if Hubby knew what stop to get off, as I had been not only the Planner on this trip, but the Chief Navigator and Pilot, as well. "Turn here," I'd say. And Hubby would turn. "Get off here," I'd say, and Hubby would get off here. And so on. Would he KNOW to get off at the next stop?? I couldn't know if he'd heard me when I'd told him what stop we'd be getting off on.

Triple crap.

Another train pulled up within two minutes, and Daughter and I jumped on...meanwhile, I was frantically trying to call Hubby on his cell phone...but of course, when you're down in the bowels of the Earth, cell phone service is non-existent.

Quatro crap.

At the next subway stop, Daughter and I hopped off...we looked left, and no Hubby. We looked right, and no Hubby. Cinco crap. Grabbing Daughter's hand, we ran up the stairs to the streets and sunshine above, where I began frantically calling Hubby again. And again. And again.

"Please, pick UP!" I begged.

Within a few minutes, he answered...and then preceded to chew me out.

Wait, what?

He's mad at ME??!!

Yes. Because I "abandoned" him on the subway.

Not only that, he's mad that I further abandoned him by leaving the subway station and going up to the streets above

Soon, he walks up and we are reunited on the street, but he is still pretty livid. He told me that I had made two mistakes:

1. I should have squeezed onto the train to begin with, and failing that,

2. I should have stayed below in the subway station and shouldn't have gone up to the street level. He said he would have eventually found me in the subway station - but I ruined that by leaving it and going upstairs.

REALLY???!! REALLY???!!

I tried to explain that I only went to the street level so I could get phone service again - and call him - but he wasn't having any of that.

Yes. This argument is now taking place on a busy street intersection in Manhattan.



I'm so proud.

Not.

We were in the middle of the sidewalk, and although busy New Yorkers are not even paying us any attention, as they've probably seen this a million times, I still stepped back into a doorway so we could have a bit more privacy with our argument. I'm standing in a swanky doorway - along 5th Avenue - with a doorman that is watching this argument unfold with a bit of concern...and who can blame him? We're probably arguing in front of Donald Trump's or Carolyn Kennedy's apartment or something...over something so DUMB, and so STUPID, it was ridiculous.

I was in tears...and here we were, on our way to Tiffany & Co, which should have been a happy occasion, and THIS happens.

I was right, though...right? Wouldn't YOU have gone up to begin calling? Rather than waiting below in a dark and scary subway station??!!

To this day, neither one has apologized to the other...we agreed to disagree and let the argument go...but it was a DOOZY. Second only to that argument in Guatemala.