Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Death by Technology

Whoever invented technology should just be shot. Really. Line 'em up on a wall and let the firing squad begin. Because – frankly? I’ve had it. I’m THIS CLOSE to a nervous breakdown thanks to all of the wonderful technology in my life.

I’ve had an iPod now for several years. The little screen now has some funny black squiggly lines – blocking out who’s singing and what they’re singing. It’s like driving in the dark with no lights. We may get there, but God knows what we’ll hit along the way. I’ve asked around, and no one else I know has funny black squiggly lines on their iPod screen. I seem to be the lucky one.

When we moved to the new house, we, of course, disconnected our computer and modem and plugs and wires and cords at the old house and transported them here. Slight problem, now, though - we no longer have “wireless” internet. I think we have all the parts, pieces, cables, plug-ins, etc to have wireless. But hell if I know how they all plug in and hook up and what goes where – and if I start hooking up and plugging in – I’ll probably electrocute or strangle myself. You think I’m kidding. I’m not.

I got an iPhone a few months ago as a gift. Why? I have no idea. All I really need a phone for is to make and receive phone calls. Nothing else. Nothing fancy. But anyway – I have the little sucker and I charge it faithfully and keep it in my purse for emergencies. And yet – for the last month, the darn thing wasn’t working. I wasn’t getting any phone calls. Nada. I was cursing the phone and calling it every name in the book when my son showed me that I had the ringer volume turned all the way down. Oh. My bad. Apparently, the phone was working after all – I just couldn’t HEAR the darn thing. Who knew that volume was so important?

My car has a built-in GPS system – “Betsy," I call her – which is helpful when responding to fires as a Red Cross volunteer. However, about 4 months ago, Betsy decided that she doesn’t recognize street addresses anymore – just cities. If I put in a street address for a certain city, Betsy takes me straight to the post office. Seriously. I kid you not. I live in an area where we have dozens of cities around us – and I have been to every post office in every one of them. ARGH! I’m about ready to break up with Betsy and call the whole thing off. She’s got a screw loose somewhere – or she has a freaky obsession for post offices.

I got a Kindle a year ago so I can take my “books” with me when I travel. Only now, none of my books are downloading from Amazon. Why? I have no freakin’ idea. If I knew why, I’d know how to fix it. I do know how to curse and scream and throw the Kindle against the wall – which doesn’t really fix the problem, but it sure makes me feel a whole lot better. In the meantime, I sit with an empty Kindle and no answers from Amazon.

Am I the only technologically challenged person out there? Surely not. I would hope not. Someone else has to be as stupid as me when it comes to all of these little gadgets that profess to make our lives easier but instead, seem to bring nothing but frustration and headaches and mental anguish.

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions on how to fix squiggly black lines on an iPod, or hook up a wireless internet system, or make Betsy recognize streets again, or download books onto a Kindle, let me know.

In the meantime, I have no idea what I’m listening to on my iPod as I drive around LOST, and even when I finally GET where I’m supposed to be, it’s not like I can read any books, since my Kindle is now empty. Geesh. But I can at least answer my darn phone now, if someone calls with solutions. Unless I accidentally turn the volume down again. Oops.




La'Tonya Richardson said...

Now that if funny! My daughter suggested I get an iPhone. I'm with you, I just need to talk on the phone, oh yeah and text. Beyond that, I'm good!

I don't have an iPod, I walk in silence. Before leaving on a trip, I map quest the directions, and bring along the trusty map. If Mr. Husband is the driver, I get my in reading in then!

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

You are not alone. I try not to get too much technology because I can't figure it out. No GPS for me, no kindle either. I like phones that work as phones. As far as Wireless Internet, well that is what DH is for. Good Luck!


Aunt Juicebox said...

OH NO! You have what my husband calls the black nexus of electrical failure. Sometimes he calls it other stuff but that's my favorite. I destroy every electronic device I own. I seem to have some sort of extra electric charge that other people don't have. I can't go to the grocery store in the winter w/o my husband to open metal doors and I am terrified to get gas. My new Blackberry has been effed up almost since I got it. I want to get a Kindle but I'm scared I'll ruin it.

Mental P Mama said...

LOL...were we separated at birth? So true. I bet my dog could fix my electronics when my kids aren't around to do it for me. gah

dca4568 said...

Drama Queen, you are no where near the most technology challenged person out there. Working on a helpdesk like I do, I can tell you that there are far mored challenged people than yourself. Unfortunately for you I pod the Led may be going bad, which means the only fix would be a new Ipod. May be wrong on this I've been wrong before. The wireless internet I may be able to help if there are instructions anywhere to be found. The car is another story. It sounds like the program needs to be reset but since it is built in I wouldn't know how to do that without instructions. Yes I know I'm a strange guy in the fact that I read instructions at all. Let me know if I can help.


The Grounded Drink Lady said...

You are SO not alone. I was telling my Mother the other day that I'd be SOL without my husband. I'll come home to find my son and husb playing Wii. He'll turn it off but not back to cable...then leave. I can't count the number of nasty messages I've left him about not being able to get regular TV. I have all the orginal music/movies on my IPod Touch...Husb put them on and I can't change a thing. Yeah...I feel your pain.

Hissyfits & Halos said...

My GPS is named "Jane." It had to be a girl name, since a man couldn't give directions that well. ;)

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Happy New Year!