Monday, May 24, 2010

Freedom from the Martyr Sigh

I love my mother, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that.

That must be made perfectly clear before you can read any further....

My mother is the master of the Martyr Sigh.

I'm sure you know what that is - the Martyr Sigh. She punctuates her sentences with it when she wants to get her way, and it has worked its magical charm for as long as I can remember. No matter what it was - or how adamant we were to not do "it", all she had to do was pull out the Martyr Sigh - and we were toast. Example:

Me: "No, no, no, no, no -it's not going to happen! Never! Ever! Not in this lifetime!!!! Nada!"

Mom: "Okay." Pause. "Martyr Sigh."

Me: "Oh, fine. I'll do it." Argh.


I was at her house the other day, visiting with her and Dad, when the conversation goes like this:

Mom: "You know your sister's getting married....."

Me: "So I heard."

Mom: "You know the wedding is October 17th...."

Me: "I heard that, too."

Mom: "You know she's asked you to be the Wedding Planner...."

Me: "Yup. I heard that, as well...I'm sure you heard that I said no."

Mom: "But you would be SO good at it!"

Me: "Probably. But - I don't have time between now and October 17th to plan a wedding. I simply don't. I told her to buy a wedding planning book and that I would HELP her - but I am NOT the wedding planner."

Mom: "Okay."

Wait for it....wait for it comes:

Mom: "Martyr Sigh.... " (She never disappoints.)

But here is where it is amazing; watch this:

Me: "Mom. I said no. I am NOT planning the wedding."

Holy Macaroni, Batman! Did I just stand-up to the Martyr Sigh? Have I now - FINALLY - become immune to it's powers??! Mom and I both looked at each other in a moment of shock...Mom, blinking...Me, in open-mouthed wonder...and so she tried it again:

Mom (only louder this time, thinking perhaps I've lost my hearing): "MARTYR SIGH!"

Me: Looking right back at her, just blinking my eyes and not saying a word....

Heavenly choirs of angels singing - it has only taken me almost 48 years - but I am IMMUNE to the Martyr Sigh!!!!

Well, at least when it comes to being the Wedding Planner for my baby sister's upcoming nuptials. No way. Not happenin'.




E1izabeth said...

LOVE IT, can I get lessons? My mom does the dame damn thing, but prefaces everything with a urgent, "Ya'know sis, if you have time could Jim....."

Aunt Juicebox said...

Oh I bet it would be fun to mess with her. If she didn't have such a short time til the wedding, you could suggest all kinds of crazy wedding stuff, and when she didn't like any of it, she'd "fire" you. lol

Logical Libby said...

I'm surprised that my Mother hasn't bought a cross. She doesn't do the sigh, just the icy silence.

David said...

I'm afraid to comment. My mother could be reading! ;-)