Friday, November 20, 2009

Send in the Clowns

I have a severe case of coulophobia. Fear of clowns, for those of you not into phobias.

I remember going to the circus as a child and being totally freaked out by the clowns. The make-up, the wild outfits, the weird hair - yeah, it was all bad. I mean, look at that picture above! Those guys are scary. Seriously.

I loved the animals, though. Especially the lions and tigers and elephants. I've always loved the eyelashes on elephants. Does that make me weird? I just thought the long eyelashes made the elephants look so sweet.

I'm reminiscing about circuses today because I feel like a juggler. I should be a juggler. A professional juggler. I can juggle 100 different things at one time. I am the Drama QUEEN of juggling.

If you've been following the story of the Drama Queen, then you know we bought a new house in June. Woo hoo. That was the good news. The bad news is, we totally gutted the inside of the house and have been doing an extensive remodel on the inside. Yeah, we're talking "Extreme Home Makeover". NOTHING on the inside is original. A 5-month remodeling project, to date. Oh, joy.

In September, the ladies of my new neighborhood approached me and asked if they could put my house on "tour." I politely declined, saying, "I'm so sorry, but my house isn't done yet." They said, "Oh, not NOW, Drama Queen. The tour isn't until December 3."

"What is this tour?", I asked.

An annual homes tour in the neighborhood where 5 houses are chosen each year for a one-day tour to show off Christmas decorations and remodeling projects, I was told. They wanted to see OUR remodeling job.

Okay, in my defense of what happened next, December seemed a LONG way off at that time - so I then said, "Sure - come on over! I'm just sure it will all be done by then."

God must have laughed.

Today is November 20th, right? Well, guess what? The remodeling is not done. Nope. Oh, half of the house is done - but the other half is not. The tour is less than 2 freakin' weeks away and my house isn't done. I have floors downstairs waiting for tile to be laid. I have a layer of dust so thick you could cut it with a knife. I have walls not painted - trim unlaid - doors not hung. Carpet to be installed. Granite to be installed. Cabinets to be hung.

I am trying to juggle everything - when can the floors get done? When is the granite coming? When is the tile going to be grouted? When can I get doors hung? When can the painters come and touch-up? When can I decorate for Christmas? Most importantly, when can I get all of this DUST out of here and CLEAN this house??!! No, wait - that's not the most important. The most important - when can I schedule my nervous breakdown? Followed by a 2-week visit to a spa for recovery?

Valium, anyone?

Yes, it's a circus here in the Drama Queen's world. And besides being the Juggler, I'm the crazy lady up on the high wire, delicately walking along hoping I don't fall flat on my face. I'm the imbecile sticking my head in the lion's mouth. I'm the trapeze artist, hoping against hope that my timing is impeccable and I "don't miss" the hand-off.

Send in the clowns.



Noelle said...

yikes! i think i would politely bow out...until next year. good luck!

Drama Queen said...

Noelle, that would be the smart thing to do, huh? Unfortunately, they've already printed the programs with the 5 houses on them - everyone keeps telling me to just "rope off" the unfinished part, which is certainly an option and one I may have to do.

My contractor (who is FRUSTRATINGLY laid back) keeps telling me, "No problem - it will all be done. Don't worry."

Easy for him! So - I'm trying to relax and keep it all together and pray. I'm really, really praying!

Thanks for stopping by!


lacochran said...

I'm so with you on the clowns.

It's nice they wanted to include you--you must have some house! Tell the contractor that if it's not done, you'll be explaining to EVERYONE who comes through exactly who your contractor is and that it wasn't done on time.

Aunt Juicebox said...

Wow! Good luck with that. I have been doing some minor decorating in my condo but I just don't have the mental strength to redo the kitchen yet, which really needs to be done!

Jenny said...

OK DQ. Go all the way with it. In the unfinished areas make a Christmas tree out of two by fours with duct tape ornaments... Make the unfinished part of the entertainment. It will be awesome. People will love it. Ask your local hardware or Lowes if they will "lend" you props with a big sign saying thank you to them. Put some wonderful holiday scent burning when people walk in...decorate the heck out of the entry way and you will be good to go. Wish I was closer to give you a hand with this.

Drama Queen said...

Thanks, all, for the support!

Jenny - I love the idea of the tree with duct tape. That would be a hoot!

What I've done is I've sweet-talked and baked my way into the workmen's hearts - and bless them - they have been here all weekend, working on the tile in the basement. Even today - on Sunday. I've bribed them with cookies, brownies, and lunch. :)

When it's all done - I'll take photos. And for sure, I'm going to decorate like crazy!

Have a blessed day, everyone!