Wanted: A Plastic Bubble

Is it possible to be allergic to life? I ask because I seriously think I am. Really.

Remember “bubble boy”? (No, not “balloon boy” – different boy!) “The Boy in the Plastic Bubble” was the 1976 movie that starred John Travolta, and was the true story of a kid who lived in a bubble.

I need a bubble. Lately, I’ve been sneezing and sniffing and coughing and basically driving everyone around me crazy. Not to mention driving myself crazy. I thought it was a cold – but it has been going on for weeks. Sniffle. My allergies must be in overdrive for some unknown reason.

I’m allergic to cats. And yet I have two. I’m allergic to oak trees. And I live in the Midwest. (That’s like the Pope being allergic to Italians, while living in Rome.) And I’m allergic to a whole bunch of other stuff like, dust, mold, milk, eggs, beef, and wheat. (Yeah, I know – that’s a lot of stuff. Tell me about it.) Other than the cats and trees – I do try to avoid the rest of that stuff. I just thank God every day I am not allergic to chocolate, because frankly, life wouldn’t be worth living without my hourly daily fix of chocolate.

I used to get allergy shots, until my doctor had the gall to move out of town. Before he left, he tried to teach me to give myself shots, but that was rather pathetic. I mean, I did okay when I practiced giving an orange a shot – seriously, an orange - but when it came time to actually insert the needle into my own skin? Bwahaha. Right. Huh uh. Not happenin’ in this lifetime.

I think I’m allergic to children. Surprisingly, they didn’t test for that when they did the allergy testing. I tried to convince the nurse that they should, but she looked at me strangely and then ignored me. My husband ignored me, too, when I told him I thought the children were the source of my allergies and should probably be removed from the house immediately. Then I tried to tell him I was allergic to getting out of bed. That didn’t work, either. My latest effort will be to convince him I’m allergic to doing laundry. He may buy that. I can hope.

And in the meantime, I’ll be checking eBay or CraigsList for a plastic bubble.

Peace.