Shotgun Wedding?

In the course of living some 40+ years, there are certain truths that I know of to be factual.

I know that my parents were married on January 14, 1961. This fact has been born out with copies of the marriage license and their wedding album and family folklore.

I know that I, as their first-born child, was born on June 18, 1962. This fact has been born out with copies of birth certificates and my baby book and family folklore.

I know that, as a young woman, my mother was a "goody-two shoes" - a veritable Sandra Dee - who was more prude than rude - and how she managed to have three children is still a miracle to behold to this day. This fact has been born out with many, many, many talks and lectures and preachings from said Mother over the course of my lifetime. She was a GOOD girl, and don't let us forget that.

So...imagine my shock and awe when my Dear Mother made a little faux pax at the Christmas dinner table.

As their 50th wedding anniversary is fast approaching, we were begging the parents to share some stories...such as how they had met, how Dear Father had proposed, and so on.

I then asked Dear Mother what their wedding had been like...

Dear Mother looked at me, and said, "Well, don't you remember? You were there....."

Really?

I blinked.

Dear Mother, mistaking my complete silence from perhaps being deaf - instead of the total shock that she had now rendered me - repeated, "Yeah, you were there..."

I managed to croak out, "I was????"

It might have been the fact that my eyebrows had now raised to my hairline - or perhaps it was the fact that my eyeballs had popped out of my head - or maybe my jaw hitting the floor with a resounding "THUNK" gave it away - but something made Mom stop and pause and consider what she had just said.

Pick the best actress in the world - Meryl Streep? Bette Davis? Kathrine Hepburn? Angelina Jolie?

NONE of those actresses would EVER be able to mimic the complete & hilarious look of surprise, incredulity, shock, horror - that transpired on my Mother's face when her words registered.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" She screamed. "You WEREN'T there!"

Seismographs in California - half a continent away - registered this on the Richter scale. If YOU felt the ground shake on Christmas, blame it on my Mother's scream. Those of us sitting around the table are still partially deaf - 3 days later.

I really do think I wasn't there...and I really do think she just got confused as to her memories...as the paperwork all backs up the premise that I wasn't around for another 18 months...

...But for a minute there, I was certainly having a Christmas to remember.

And Mom will now be razzed for something she'll never forget.

Peace.