Thursday, October 1, 2009

Zombie Drivers

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a Super Hero? I confess – I have. If I could have only one “super hero power”, I know what it would be. I would “zap” people who are clueless about driving. You heard me. Idiot drivers would instantly disappear - removing them from the road forever. Wouldn’t that be awesome? It would sure help with traffic problems.

I don’t claim to be the best driver on the road – but I certainly can hold my own. I drive at least the speed limit (okay, okay, true confession: hubby would tell you that I probably drive a little over the speed limit – but not by much, I swear!), and I don’t tailgate or show overt signs of road rage. (That’s because I have kiddies in the car and I don’t want to teach them new four-lettered words!) I don’t drive in the passing lane – unless I’m actually going to – gasp! – pass someone. And I use my turn signals. So, all-in-all, I try to be a polite and courteous driver.

While driving through town, I frequently have to drive through what is known as the “Grandview Triangle.” Now, for my dear readers who are not from around here – allow me to explain the “Triangle.” It would have been named the “Bermuda Triangle” – but that name was already taken, obviously. The Grandview Triangle is a very scary area because while driving through it, strange alien forces swoop in and render drivers’ brains to mush – absolutely wiping out any reasonable intelligence they may have had before entering the Triangle. (Except for me – I’m immune to these forces, of course). People driving through the Triangle turn into clueless, brainless zombies – which is scary, considering the fact they’re behind the wheel of a 2-ton missile going 90 mph. Drivers will suddenly drive 30 miles UNDER the speed limit – or 30 miles OVER the speed limit – or they’ll drive in the passing lane – or they’ll forget all about a turn signal – or they change lanes without looking to see who’s IN the lane! It’s freaky! And frustrating!

My biggest gripe are the people who tailgate – and do it so obnoxiously that I could carry on a conversation with them – I mean, after all, they’re practically in my back seat. Several years ago, while down in Mississippi doing some hurricane reconstruction work with a church group, I stopped at a red light. The guy behind me didn’t stop at the red light – so, consequently, he plowed into me. He hit me so hard it knocked my car into the car in front of me. An SUV sandwich. Ouch. I got a lovely souvenir on that trip – an uncomfortable neck brace I came home with. So pardon me for getting a little nervous when I see someone so close that I can count the freckles on their face in my rear view mirror.

One of these days, when I’m Queen of the World, I will ban inconsiderate and rude drivers. Until then – if you see a little silver, sporty Mazda Speed 6 zooming down the road – especially through the Grandview Triangle– keep your distance – and don’t drive like an idiot. I wouldn’t want to have to “zap” you with my super powers and make you disappear.


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